Posts tagged: affairs

Watching Desperate Housewives = Extramarital Affairs?

Infidelity and extramarital affairs are rife.

TV shows come and go. “Desperate Housewives” being all the rage for a time. Oprah even raved about it, as many women swoon at the male stars. However now the men shake their heads in disbelief at the infidelity and other goings on….

But….

Is it all a sign of the times. Remember “Sex in the City”?

Women being more emancipated, have more freedom, and more resources than anytime in the past. So what does all that mean. Well for one thing, they are now more prepared to publically show their frustrations. They don’t just accept that the man is out there doing his thing – which does not always consist of just going out to work to bring in the bacon. Men having always had the freedom to roam, have taken this to the extreme. They have often left behind trailsof broken hearts and shattered families in their wake.

Now though, women are starting to get on the bandwagon.

Sexual emancipation is now no longer gender related. Both sexes are now equal. Infidelity is on the increase. Recent statistics suggest that up to 40% of women and at least 60% of men, have had outside relationship affairs at some time in their life. In studies performed recently, couple therapists however reported a 50% increase in female infidelity! The possiblity thus exists that someone close to is, was, or will be cheating on their partner!

OK, so the women are fighting back – but most men have no clue that their wives are having an affair. Most men find out the day their wife asks for a divorce.

This is a life shattering experience, (trust me I know).

Very few women become overnight cheaters though. The signs may have been there all along. There are usually stages of development, to the state of infidelity. Often, both partners contribute to these stages. Warning signs that not all is right, actually appear long before the actual physical act of infidelity. Usually most partners, don’t spot them until its too late though.

Why do they do it?

Knowing the why, could be great help in protecting yourself from being at the wrong end of an adulterous relationship. Here are some reasons, which you may or may not understand. Just be aware that they can apply to men and women nowadays.

Trophy hunters. Am I attractive, powerful, rich (insert your own attribute) ..enough to get that person to have sex with me?

Lack of a truly intimate relationship. This may be either real or perceived. Some couples just don’t have matching sex drives, leading to problems.

Revenge. As silly as it sounds, this is a huge reason for infidelity. He or she did this to me, so I will get back at them by having an affair as well. Totally illogical in your mind, but not in theirs.

Addictive behaviour, sexual tendencies, confusion or trauma.

Low self esteem. Am I really good enough. If someone is willing to have sex with me, that proves that I’m OK

Lack of love in the relationship. A feeling of not being cared for, lets the partner look for this missing feeling outside the relationship. This then often leads to sex.

Boredom………..etc.

So what are the signs?

Well if you are in a loveless relationship, you by probably already know that the potential for problems exist. There may of course be other signs as well.

A sudden interest to work more overtime, is a red flag.
Spending less time at home.
Receiving phone calls at strange hours and then not sharing the callers identity, are all suspicious.
Etc etc.

Those are the obvious ones. Now you can play detective and look at everything with a suspicious mind. But who wants to live that way though?

Intelligent and commited partners, stay tuned into the relationship. They are aware of the pulse of how both feel about each other. All too often, relationships are just left to drag on, and eventually dies,even though the partners are still physically present.

Remember to get the passion back in your life, by not letting this happen to you. Love is something too precious to just ignore.

Why Do Some Women Have Affairs?

Men are not the only philanderers. Women are also committing adultery. In fact, some studies suggest that almost 50% of married women have had sex outside of their marriage. Cookie Magazine did a study back in May that found 34% of moms admitted to having an affair after they had children, and another 53% say they have thought seriously about having an affair.

Infidelity is on the rise. We hear about it more and more each day, especially from celebrities. Many people, when you think about cheating spouses, automatically think that it is a husband cheating on a wife. This, however, is not always the case.

This says that it’s not just men having affairs. We hear all of the time about why men affairs, but women having affairs never seems to be a focus. So, why do women have affairs?

Women Cheat For Emotional Reasons

Whether it’s a lack of communication in their marriage, a need for an emotional connection they are not receiving, or just the desire to feel wanted and beautiful, women are cheating to fill emotional voids their husbands have left them with.

Women also crave the need for security. Men are the blanket that provides this security, and if you as a husband aren’t satisfying this need, she will seek it elsewhere. As women age, they tend to feel less and less secure. They begin to question the way they look, feel less attractive, and unable to do things they did when they were younger. Even if these things aren’t true, women tend to convince themselves that they are.

If you are not reassuring your wife that she is beautiful and important to you, you are putting your relationship at risk.

Other Reasons Women Cheat

  • Sense of Loneliness
  • Insecurity
  • Disappointment with their spouse
  • Depression
  • Lack of Romance

Profile of a Female Cheater

Now that we’ve covered some reasons why women cheat, lets profile the typical female philanderer.

  • Women tend to choose partners who are also married. This offers some safety for them, as they have less of a concern to worry about STD’s. They also don’t have to worry about the “secret” getting out, as the married man also would have no benefit of leaking the truth. Last, it puts a limit on the amount of time they can spend with their lover if he is also married.
  • Women who cheat on their spouse are more likely to be a full-time worker. Men in the workplace can tend to make the women feel important, if she is doing a good job, notice the woman, and take an interest in her.
  • Women don’t jump into affairs. They tend to know the person they are cheating with for a couple of months or more before they actually cheat on their spouse. This proves the stat from Cookie Magazine that 53% of married women with children say they’ve contemplated an affair.
  • They don’t always want a “bad boy”. In fact, They are looking for the “ideal husband”, someone who can provide the security, communication, financial, and emotional needs they currently lack.

Myths About Adultery

As you learn more and more about affairs, you will begin to understand their true meaning and place for existence. You will also be able to dispel some common myths.

1. An affair can help your troubled marriage. No, it cannot help. It will only worsen the problems you are already having. What it can do is open your spouse’s eyes to the trouble and ignite a plan to address those problems.

2. Bad Sex Causes People to Have an Affair. No, this is not true either. Sex is just that, sex. It is all the same, really, until you add emotion to it. Sex can become worse if one person feels it is a problem, an insecurity, and begins to turn sex into what it never should be, a performance. Great sex comes from sharing yourself, mentally and emotionally, with your partner, which creates a deep trust between the two of you.

3. Affairs Can Last Forever. False. Affairs die for the same reasons marriages do, the lack of intimacy. If you are having an affair and think it is a wonderful relationship, it is because you are hiding the imperfections from one another. You never truly get to know the real person you are with. If you care enough about getting to know someone, get to know your spouse. Affairs lack the emotion necessary to sustain long term.

What To Do If You Are Tempted To Cheat

I hope you are not tempted to cheat, but if you are, think about it first. Typically when you have this feeling, there are problems going on in your relationship. Try addressing those problems and see if you and your spouse can work through them.

Women really crave the emotional things, so men really need to work at giving them those things. If you are a women, you need to share with your husband what you are craving and lacking. If you are a man, work on satisfying those needs. If you do, you can live a happy marriage together!

Learn to communicate better with your spouse. Create a transparency, where you know everything about your spouse, and they know everything about you. Spend time together every day, and learn something new about them. Find new activities that you both can enjoy together. Never stop dating your spouse!